I have found one book that speaks to the issues men face when raising a pregnant wife to term. That book is from SNL superstar Kevin Nealon. Yes, You’re Pregnant, But What About Me is the first book I’ve found (and our bookshelves are full of them) that speaks to the often neglected and misunderstood needs of men during the pregnancy period. The cover of the book showing a disheveled Nealon with a ‘Can you believe this?” look on his face caught my eye from the sidewalk and I had to enter the store and find out what this book was all about. Alisa’s first trimester was difficult for me. Books arrived daily - often in 2’s and 3’s - None of which spoke to anything that ‘I’ was experiencing during ‘MY’ pregnancy. I opened Nealon’s book to page 122, although I had already determined that I would buy the book from the picture on the cover. Kevin Nealon wouldn’t let me down - mano e mano.
“…It was at that point that my battles with hormones officially began, and sadly, the common man is no match. This chemical imbalance can play strange games where there are no rules or boundaries. During these times of confusing behavior, I quickly learned never to try to reason with a woman experiencing hormonal mood swings. Do NOT try to defend yourself; it does no good. Just surrender and go along on her hormonal trip with her. I know your instinct will be to try to explain reality, but, once again, you must just surrender. A pregnant woman will cry at any given moment for absolutely no reason, and you must remind yourself that it is most likely nothing you have said or done - it’s just the hormones…The most important thing for the husband / partner to do is to be one hundred percent supportive. It doesn’t matter what it is. If she wants to yell at the mailman about something, you had better be right behind her, saying, ‘Yeah. You heard her! Bring more catalogs and water the grass!”He spoke to me. And continues to do so. Nelon’s book is a ‘must have’ resource for the expectant father. I dare say the only one that you will need. Once the baby is born, you’ll know exactly what to do. This book is the instruction manual for the 9 months before you know what to do.
As the father in the birth team, our responsibilities are often overlooked. One need only take a cursory look at the plethora of birth books that are on the market. I’m convinced that this is due in large part to the fact that publishers understand$25.00 for a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting or Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth or Your Vegetarian Pregnancy will never stand in the way of an expectant mother’s desire to do everything she can to care for her unborn child. A Saturday stroll on the streets of Park Slope will yield these books and many more - free for the taking - often piled 10 or so high. Once the baby has been born, the mothers have no need for the special advice on nutrition, body image issues, exercise, and the like that are afforded by these books. The natural caring and nurturing instincts have taken over. Unfortunately, even in such a liberal and eco-concious neighborhood as Park Slope, expectant mothers who have in the past been large proponents of recycling often pass these books by in favor of new store-bought books. A book on natural childbirth published just one year ago can carry with it the prospect of an outdated piece of information that might prove hazardous to the unborn baby. Always best to get the newest and most enlightened insights on this thousands-year old process from the most up to date of resources.
The resources for men, however, are woefully lacking. ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ is generous to offer a paragraph of the unused space in the margins at the end of ‘Week’ chapters to discuss issues concerning men. These usually involve ‘cheerleading’ - style pep talks. If there is room at the end of that chapter, that is.
The Book For Guys Who Don’t Want Kids is a 75 page hard back ‘gift’ size book meant to convince young and vibrant men that it’s alright to settle down and start that family. Guys with short attention spans, I guess.