Chris will tell you that the first trimester is a forest teaming with beasts that attack. The first one he spotted and tried to combat was Aggrawart. This monster is tricky because mommies barely notice it but he preys and chews on dads. A typical scenario may play out like this:
- Are you ready?
- No, I’m not ready!!! This dress is obnoxious and my water bottle stinks. This house is a mess. Where are my shoes?? WHERE are my shoes???
- I like that dress.
- I don’t want to go – pushing him on the side to sit down on futon
- Hon, hon calm down, I think that was just the Aggrawart. Here, I have a new bottle… and your shoes are outside the door.
Later he discovered Exhaustapus. Exhaustapus has 8 tentacles that hug you tight and suck out all the energy. He’s never quite satisfied and Chris figured a way to fight him is to, imagine this, go for a walk in the park. We fought him for a while.
Or there is this one: You may be lunching in a nice French bistro some Sunday on, say, Lexington avenue, conversing about the recent lecture by one Dr. Timothy Keller when you observe that the bus-boy seems a little too tall and too slow for the guests and waiters, who are rolling their eyes at him. And you notice that he’s ultra-nice, ultra-obliging, running around trying to please but then you hear a sound of shattered glass. Now things turn to worse. In your head, you imagine this poor man growing up and being always made fun of and how he never managed to get through school and how he’s so darn unfortunate but was at some point a tiny little baby with lots of potential and…. Tears, real life tears start flowing down you face. Your obliging husband may be completely dumbfounded by this, but an observant one will notice that is just a Weepasaurus. Nothing to worry about.
Chris pointed out that we’ve heard from others about Vomitron, but we must be lucky. Maybe it’s not his hunting season or we managed to set up our campsite out of his way. We’re both happy about that.